1. |
God Help Me (Demo), 2012
02:16
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i came home after freezing on the bus,
and i figured i'd smile and i wouldn't make a fuss
about anything that had just transpired,
in the latest episode of my life, which i'm constantly turning into a mess,
even with all the pretty things that include me in theirs.
like this woman that i know, but never had i known her quite like this.
and now i'm processing the guilt.
and now i'm pouring myself a glass of milk to drink with a biscuit,
and so i dip it, and feel like throwing the glass on the ground.
i very nearly did it, but i don't know how to lose my grip on all these things that keep me sad.
and i just stood there and my best friend's girlfriend came up and hugged me
and i cried like she could squeeze all the tears out of me.
i don't think i've ever had such red eyes.
you would think i was stoned.
or being choked.
and the devil popped up in my head,
and oh, i knelt down and i said,
"fuck you, seriously fuck you"
and god said, "oh, why don't you pray"
and i said, "sometimes what's the use of you?"
what's the use of you?
i've made all these sacrifices and what's the use of you?
God help me.
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2. |
The Birds, 18/5/18
03:38
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i'm happy watching you
making your mind up
do you want me?
well kind of
been throwing rocks at your window
for years now
i've been patient
and here's how
i know its hard to believe but if you can, this body's a temple
but everything i own is yours to dismantle
you've sharpened your teeth, i see
and i just keep clipping my wings
but we're birds of a feather, i thought?
so now every stone that i threw
has been turned
in your bedroom
where we lay and wait
and wait
for the word
my hands are tied
my eyes are sore
my mind is occupied all the more
no matter what you do
but we're birds of a feather, i would have thought?
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3. |
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i saw the bag come down
and felt you on me
bumps in the road rumble through my body
i can't breathe in here
i can't breathe
a mile to the beach
going to wade in the foam
your arms out of reach
as i drift out alone
there's sand in my teeth
but they fall out in dreams
water beneath
and nothing between
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4. |
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i spilt wine on the carpet
this afternoon
cuz we like to pour salt
in an open wound
and i picked a fight with a stranger
to feel close to you
but he turned the other cheek
so i resumed
you went to work to help the poor
and you gave your heart away a little more
the coffee burned the tip of your tongue before
your sentimental sediment could form
and baby
i'm sorry
(waffle)
this is not the way i should be loving you
because that's all i want to do
this is not the way
you showed me today
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5. |
Teenage Poetry
04:40
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i'd like a glass of wine
as my heart does crave from time to time
my heart so saddened
by the dimming lamp, atop this lonely chest of drawers
to fade into its velvet red
and slowly let it fill my head
with evidence of love across my walls
for even at my best it makes me pause
and question my intentions, or
the feeling that "succumbs" in such rare moments
for joy is such a rarity
that it seems odd to visit me
bringing to my fire, more firewood
we are no more than strangers now
no less than friends from childhood
but every now and then, somehow, she seems to find me
so
we break the ice
and how better than a glass of wine
to unlock this sad and lonely chest of drawers
and as the hours pass i notice that
her glass is barely finished, yet,
still the bottle rolls about the floor
and her face is solemn as i break in two
she follows with her eyes of bluee
as my spirit falls in stupor about the carpet
and i know how it must look to her
yet i can't wipe my dampened eyes and dry
these lonely tears of laughter
though nothing could be sadder
and so she smiles as she walks away
and i shrink back, and with dismay, I mumble,
"my... my... i could have had her"
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6. |
Background Music
01:57
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7. |
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“Holy Smokes” November, 2015 (Journal Entry)
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8. |
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before you leave
come talk with me
i won't waste your time
but you can have mine
i'm not what you need
i know what you mean
i'm a long way off
her hand covers her mouth
the blood covers the ground
im a long way down now
run
ill peel you off like petals from a flower
i will count the times i break your heart
i will let you down in showers
of violet from above
(you're not mine)
you will feel i had disrobed you
(i can't make you mine)
you will feel like never before
(you're not mine)
you'll ask only that i know you
(i can't make you mine)
and then once more
i will say run
Boo! Boo! Boo!
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The Deaf Hear Melbourne, Australia
“its like when you go to read your own poetry, you get all choked up.”
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